It recently came to my attention that the sale of endangered species for the purpose of human consumption ranks as one of the most prevalent forms of black market trade in the world.
Food connoisseurs and adventurous eaters travel to remote destinations all around the globe; they seek out secret kitchens and clandestine restaurants, and dish out thousands for the chance to dine on some of Earth’s rarest foods.
One item “on the menu,” that caught my attention was panda meat. Scientists approximate that only one thousand panda bears remain in the wild; and with such a minute population, it is easy to see why so many people yearn for a plate of Ailuropoda Melanoleuca.
When I learned of this, I practically jumped out of my socks. I recalled perusing the grocery store a few weeks back, and I could have sworn I saw a box containing pandasomething. And if memory served me correctly, the item was on sale at a price that (given this new information about the underground restaurants and the big-time-bucks involved) seemingly was too good to be true.
So, I headed down to the market.
It took almost no time for me to find what I was looking for… Envirokidz “Panda Puffs.” I couldn’t believe it! Here I was, with the opportunity to treat my taste buds to some scrumptious panda for a mere $4.59!
I checked out at the register, and felt I was committing a crime. The managers of the store were obviously unaware of their drastic mistake. I could have even called PETA (and in all likelihood had the store shut down), but I acted selfishly and tucked the box into my grocery bag and made for the exit.
Somewhere between my front door and the kitchen, I ripped open the box, shredded the plastic packaging inside, and….
Devastation!
This box contained absolutely zero pandas! I stared into the pouch; the contents were in fact a gluten free combo of corn balls with real peanut butter coating.
Total let down. I thought for sure I was getting a taste of the elusive panda. I suppose I’ll have to go hunt down these secret eateries. And I better hurry, because the pandas don’t seem to be procreating. What’s up with it, oreo face? I fear extinction for these fuzzy guys is nearing.
Do you think they serve panda with a side of fries?
I love pandas.